According to the 'fun reports' section of that organ of socialist truth, Pravda, the male chastity belt is making a comeback.
(Before continuing, I should advise that I found pictures to illustrate this post that might not be considered safe for work. I've therefore included them as picture links. Please don't click on them unless you're in a place where it's safe to view them.)
Just one quick look at men's chastity belts is enough to make you shudder at such antihuman invention of the mankind. British and German women, however, feel free to make their husbands wear genital irons before letting them leave for work. The most horrible thing about it is that "cuffed" men do not give way to despair: they easily communicate with other men, who have their penises locked up in their pants. Chastity belts pose only one problem for their owners - men feel shy to use public toilets.
Men's chastity belts were invented for the first time in England, at the end of the 19th century. The Victorian epoch generated terrifying devices to subdue the lustful nature of a man.
Chastity belts became popular with men only a few years ago. The advantage of wearing a chastity belt was exposed to men of the world in 2002. Salzburg lawyer Henrich Firshman was accused of sexual harassment at work. The lawyer's wife told the judge that the suit filed against her husband was groundless, because the man had been wearing a chastity belt at work for two years. The belt was presented at the court - it looked quite worn out. In addition, forensic experts proved that the belt was worn by Firshmen. The chastity belt saved the man's career and relieved him of the need to pay thousands of euros of penalties.
About 30,000 European men come to work wearing chastity belts nowadays.
This astounding Puritanism during the age of sexual revolution has been probably caused with people's wish to be 100 percent sure of their faithfulness. It is noteworthy that women wear chastity belts in such families too. Chastity belts are presumably worn by gigolos. European women have a fondness for hiring young men from developing countries for sexual favors. Women pay them 500 euros a month, but they also make their young studs wear chastity belts to protect them against their own frivolous behavior. According to websites, which sell men's chastity belts, modern gigolos are ready to stand any humiliation for money.
Experienced gigolos advise amateurs to ask for expensive plastic chastity belts from their women. Plastic belts, they say, do not jingle and more importantly - they do not cause any inconveniences with metal detectors in stores and airports.
Er . . . yes! Quite! Frankly, I'd never have thought of that - but then, I'd never wear one, either!
Unhinged by this report, I made the mistake of doing a quick Internet search for more information - whence the photographs above. I found that one enterprising manufacturer, obviously aiming for the redneck market, is even marketing models in woodgrain and camouflage finish!
I think I've done something nasty to my mind with all that lot. I'm going to have a nice cup of tea, and pity those who feel led - or who're driven! - to wear these things.
Peter
4 comments:
R.I.G.H.T. ... umm ... okay ...
Ouch! That's what comes to mind at those chastity belts. This post is such a riot. The last pictures...Is anyone actually gonna be wearing any of those in the U.S.? Looking at those pictures made me laugh so hard. I never new such things exist. And to think that 30,000 European men wear them to work....
I know a few women that need them too... And a few Catholic priests that should be REQUIRED to wear them...
If distrust in their significant other is that excessive, I don't think even those belts are truly comforting to those women to make their men wear them. Honestly, like men rely on just their penises to fool around. Sheesh.
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